What is Your System of Accountability?

I am currently reading/listening to the book Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman and have been struck by how little I knew about how the brain works (use link above to read the first couple chapters for free).  Dr. Kahneman cites his own significant research along with countless studies by others in order to provide as full a picture as possible of the mind's inner workings

One of the most significant takeaways at this point is how easy the mind is able to make false assumptions and reach wrong conclusions.  The part of our mind that can solve the math problem 2 + 2 without thinking also makes quick assumptions and judgements about people and daily experiences that are false.  The ability to quickly know information without needing to stop and think is known as fast thinking.  When the mind slows down, like the mental process needed to answer the math problem 17 x 24, we are better protected against making mistakes in thinking as our brain has a more systematic way of sorting through information.

What really throws us off is that most of our fast thinking is usually very accurate.  We have learned through experience, observation, and repeated interactions countless bits of information that are true about the world.  The summer it hot, the winter is cold, mosquito like to bite you, oil dripping from food can stain a shirt, etc.  We do not need to stop and think of these facts and when they come up, we answer or experience them accurately all of the time.

The problem is that in the midst of all this accurate information are some falsehoods which we unknowingly understand and use as though they are facts.  Growing up in this country we are exposed to so many influences like family, friends, media, schools, and religious institution and they have taught us, often unintentionally, false stereotypes about certain populations.  That false information becomes cemented in our fast thinking as we grow up.  Hopefully over time some or most of those stereotypes have been challenged by important institutions and people in our lives.  Those challenges raise awareness about stereotypes in the slow thinking part of our minds.  When we slow down, we are able to reject the stereotypes that the culture has taught us.  If you do it long enough, it is possible that what starts off as slow thinking can transition to fast thinking with enough repetition, but there is no way to be certain if or when that transition actually takes place.  This is why most people are very good when they try to not be sexist or racist, but when forced to think fast without any help of slow thinking we sometimes fall into applying old stereotypes.  This can happen when we are exhausted and unable to slow down or when are caught in a fast moment (quickly noticing the age, race, or sex of the driver cutting you off in traffic).

The way fast and slow thinking works does not just explain this type of bias, but also the mistakes we make in our thinking at home, work, and in relationships.  It explains why changing behaviors and habits is so difficult.  Most of our regular behaviors exist in our fast thinking including what we like to eat, how much we like exercise, and the vices we fall into during stress.  Our learned instinct (which is just fast thinking) is to just do what comes natural (which is not really natural, but has been learned to the point of seeming natural) like eating poorly and avoiding exercise.  When we are in a place to engage in slow thinking we can make healthy choices, but that part of our thinking does not always engage and can become fatigued.  In those moments, we fall back into our fast thinking patterns of unhealthy choices.  As anyone who has tried to diet knows, it can take a long time for our slow thinking approach to replace our unhealthy fast thinking norms.  This is also why the best opportunity for meaningful behavior change is to capitalize on an existing positive element within your fast thinking and try to apply it in a different way.

The key to managing the mental challenges presented by misleading fast thinking is having internal and external systems of accountability in place to prevent bias fast thinking from being our faulty reality.  Internally, it is learning to slow down your thinking when needed and training yourself to track for bad assumptions and bias.  This is much easier said than done and none of us will ever do this perfectly.  Most ideal is having people in your life that can hold you accountable.  Not from a place of judgement and shame, but from a place of care and compassion.  Without people in our lives holding us accountable to the values and beliefs that exist within our slow thinking we are going to frequently undermine ourselves with fast thinking mistakes.  Unfortunately, too many of us have received accountability in the past in the form of judgement and shame and are now defensive to the idea of anyone holding us accountable.  We must find trusted people who we can empower to help us and try to live the example we want to receive from others.

Here is a fun and wonderful short clip about accountability from one of my favorite shows Curb Your Enthusiasm.  The woman in the clip asked Larry at the beginning of the party to hold her accountable to her dietary plan (eating healthy) no matter what she wants to do later at the party.  Larry checked to be clear about the level of accountability she wanted and she stated that she wanted to be prevented from eating unhealthy food "no matter what." This is probably not a healthy example of having someone hold you accountable, but it is fun to watch anyway.