Saturday, December 15, 2012

Newtown: The Whole Conversation

Yesterday was an exceptionally difficult day.  Rarely have I felt such a range of powerful emotions over the course of a short period of time.  It started with shock and disbelief, quickly transitioned to tears and sadness, was followed by anger and frustration, and was topped off by love and compassion.  Since going down that emotional path, I have revisited each stop several times.

The visceral response to the Newtown mass shooting quickly connected to longstanding thoughts and emotions around the impact of guns in our culture.  Guns are the easiest and quickest thing to blame and that is where my energy went fairly quickly yesterday.  I was not alone.  My Facebook and Twitter feeds were filled with outrage, snark, disbelief, and anger about guns.  I even felt compelled to post on Facebook that I simply hate guns.  Today it seems that many people are hopeful and insistent that this incident will finally lead to a change in our gun laws, but I would suggest that is simply not enough.

Early last night my mind started to shift around what happened yesterday and so many days before it.  My friend and national higher education voice around masculinity Dr. Keith Edwards liked and shared a number of facts, opinions, and statements from others in his Facebook feed bringing attention to cultural norms and socialization around violence for men in this country.  This started off an avalanche of thought and exploration for me around this topic (another exciting Friday night).

I found many great sources, but the most helpful was an FBI overview of murders in 2010 (here).  It found that approximately 90% of murders where the assailant is known were committed by men.  Nearly 2/3 of those murders were committed with a firearms.  When it comes to sexual assault, the findings are once again stark:

Most perpetrators of sexual violence are men. Among acts of sexual violence committed against women since the age of 18, 100% of rapes, 92% of physical assaults, and 97% of stalking acts were perpetrated by men. Sexual violence against men is also mainly male violence: 70% of rapes, 86% of physical assaults, and 65% of stalking acts were perpetrated by men.

The same source also shared this finding, "access to firearms yields a more than five-fold increase in risk of intimate partner homicide when considering other factors of abuse."  The main problem here is sexual violence against anyone, but we know that women are disproportionally the targets.  Males are clearly responsible for the vast majority of this violence.  Guns appear to be like gasoline poured on a fire, making sexual violence more deadly and explosive.  

When it comes to the significant number of domestic mass shootings that I have seen in my lifetime, I did not need to do any research to know that they were committed by men.  I have seen their faces on my television year after year following each incident.  The original sin in all this is violence, not guns.  The super majority of violent sinners are male.  That is the conversation we need to have and based on my countless hours of television watching the last two days it is the conversation almost no one in the mainstream media seems to have found yet.

This is not to say that the rush to have gun conversations is unimportant or irrelevant.  In a strange move in order to prove that people, not guns, kill people, many in the pro-gun movement cited an incident in China yesterday in which a man slash and injured 22 children at a school (here).  The point being made seemed to be that getting rid of guns does not get rid of violence.  I could not agree more, but the key difference between what happened in China and Connecticut is the use of guns.  In China, one man was able to slash and injure 22 children, but killed no one.  In Connecticut, one man was able to kill 20 children and 6 adults.  The choice of weapon does matter, a lot.  Knifes can be used for deadly violence, but are highly inefficient, easier to defend against and flee, and easier to survive in mass situations.  Guns are more deadly, more efficient at killing, and more difficult to defend or flee.

A deadly combination in this country appears to be violence + men + guns.  I would also suggest the priority of conversations that we need to have should be in that same order or at least all happening at the same time.  Where does this violence come from?  How are we raising our boys and men? How does the culture, institutions, and media feed this connection?  I am sure violent movies and video games play some role, but I suspect it goes much deeper than that.  How do boys and men deal with conflict, emotions, and frustration? Do we allow men to be vulnerable and experience life outside of male gender norms?

As you can see, I have few answers.  I just want to be sure we are asking and talking about the right questions.  Where does this violence come from in our culture?  What is it about our culture that causes violence of all types and scale to be committed mostly by men?  As for guns, I think we should also ask questions about how they make violence more deadly, effective, and larger in scale.  The rush to conversation and possible action around gun control feels good, but if that is as far as we go, we probably will have done little to prevent mass shootings and other types of violent acts from being committed again in the future.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Seeking Control in the Strangest Places

Those who find significant elements of their lives to be out of control tend to seek control in some of the strangest places.  This is one of the most important personal and professional observations I have made over the last few years.  I have seen it at home, at work, in myself, and in others.  It is in these moments that the actions of the powerless become a confusing mystery to those unaware of what is really going on.

This truth has taught me to pause in the face of unexplainable controlling behavior and wonder compassionately what is going on for the other person.  Earlier in my life, when I saw someone holding on too tight over the smallest detail or trying in great desperation to control the actions of others, I use to only stand in judgement.  As hard as I now try to be compassionate and patience with those struggling with control, sometimes I fall short in this department.  It is not a lack of empathy or understanding for their situation, but an inability to see past the negative impact of their controlling behaviors on my life.  On my best days I try to remember what it is like to feel out of control and how irrational I have been in those moments.  I want to provide the compassion for others that I would want to receive myself.

My experiences with loss of control tend to come most in the area of parenting.  There are few aspects of life that can feel as out of control as trying to positively shape the lives of your kids.  When things are not going as planned or my patience is fried, I sometimes find myself in the midst of seeking to control some of the strangest things.  A normal moment of child resistance can turn into a battle royal.  I might try too hard to control the actions of a friend or someone at work.  I lose perspective in terms of meaning and importance in other areas of my life.

The next time you notice someone, including yourself, engaging in what seems like unexplained controlling behavior, you may want to pause and explore whether some other part of life is out of control.  There may be very little that can be done to help restore control, but at least we can show compassion and understanding, especially when the strange behavior is coming from ourselves.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Putting "Off the Record" On the Record

You may have heard (newspaper story here) that a couple of white students at the University of Minnesota Duluth posted an online video (below) of themselves wearing dark brown facial cream mimicking black racial stereotypes.  In emails to the newspaper the students claimed that the facial masks required being left on for twelve minutes and they made the video as a way to kill time.  One student noted, "This video does not define our true selves at all," while the other student said, "That video does not define who we are… it was accidental… we did not intend to hurt anyone with it."

White college students mimicking people of color with offensive racial stereotypes seems more common than ever.  A simple Google search of "college party black face" brings a flood of stories about this happening.  It would be easy to say all of these students are horrible racists and stop the conversation there.  While their behavior is no doubt racism in action, I believe there is something more happening here.

This country is plagued by a dirty little secret that happens far too often to be considered much of a secret.  When homogeneous groups of people with cultural power and privilege get together (white people, males, heterosexuals, people of financial means, etc.), they sometimes engage in "off the record" conversations, jokes, and mimicry of people of color, women, gays, and poor people respectively.  It takes on such forms as male locker room talk, the use of fake accents, and mimicry as seen in the video below.

Many of the people who engage in these "off the record" moments are very mindful and supportive of diversity when others are looking.  In fact, they might go so far as to be outraged or even confront offensive public comments made by others.  They would never want to see anyone they know or see be hurt by prejudice or oppression.  So, why do they engage in these types of "off the record" conversations?

Anyone who was born in and grew up in this country has been bombarded with racial, gender, class, and other stereotypes constantly since they were born.  These messages are conveyed through media, families, schools, religious institutions, workplaces, and peer groups.  Most of us are also slowly taught by the same environments and institutions that these messages are false and to respect all areas of human diversity, but unfortunely the negative reinforcement is often much stronger and more frequent.  By the time we reach young adulthood, most people are intellectually on board with, for example, racial and gender equality, but have been socialized with deep and often unconscious beliefs that people of color and women are inferior to whites and males respectively.

Holding these uncomfortable feelings back, which most people recognize is the right thing to do, takes a great deal of energy and work as they can slip out at unexpected times (cut off by somone in traffic, behind an "annoying" person in the checkout line, etc.).  In "safe" homogeneous environments, people relax their filters and these socialized feelings towards others tend to bubble out more freely and evolve into "off the record" conversations.  Even in these situations, some participants in "off the record" conversations feel uncomfortable with the conversation, but they believe everyone else is okay with it and begrudgingly go along for the ride.

As a straight, white, middle class, male I have had countless moments where someone with one or more matching identities has tested me to see if I am a safe person for them to have an "off the record" exchange with.  I have also seen these conversations break out in numerous environments and have reacted with both action and disappointing inaction.  As I reflect back on my life I also know that I have participated in more than a few "off the record" conversations, many of which I did not want to be a part of.

What these two women did in making this video was awful and they deserve to be held accountable for their actions by the school and society.  I am sure there are people of color, especially on that campus, who are rightfully frustrated, hurt, and without much room for forgiveness having seen this type of thing all too many times before.  That said, I think we must save some of our scorn for the culture at large that has done similar things, but is not foolish enough to videotape and post their "off the record" conversations online.  This includes many of us who claim to be "good people" who are deeply supportive of diversity and against discrimination and oppression, but sometimes look the other way or reluctantly participate in "off the record" moments.  To put all of the focus on how horrible these students are takes away any responsibility the rest of us might have to address roles we have played in the "off the record" conversations in our lives.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Books That Changed My Life

Over the last decade a handful of books changed all aspects of my life.  I am a daily walker and audio books have been my constant companion (see blog post here).  They not only keep me company, but I have used them as an opportunity to push my knowledge to new levels.  A funny thing happened along this journey, I have made powerful discoveries that have helped me understand and improve myself as a teacher, student, parent, partner, teammate, leader, and manager.  These books had a transformative impact on my thinking and behavior, which excites me to wonder how many more books might be out there for me to discover.  I spent most of my 20's reading dozens of books on social justice (a story for another day), but after reading and being deeply impacted by the Tipping Point almost a decade ago, my interests expanded in some new directions.

I have been asked a number of times to put together an essential book list that helped expand the capacity of my heart, mind, and soul and below is my best effort.  I tend to be drawn to books that challenge me to reevaluate my current thinking based on a combination of hard research and personal narratives.  The best writers tell a story about how the broader world works based on research and then draw connections to the research using stories.  The books below would be especially meaningful for parents, educators, and managers.  I have grouped the books into four areas.

The Amazing Mind - I have been interested for years in how our thinking and emotions impact our behaviors.  It is so relevant to my role as an educator, trainer, supervisor, and parent.  The book that really hit home in this area was Thinking, Fast and Slow.  It is a must read on how the mind works and the tricks it plays on each of us.  It has become a guide that has helped me improve my thinking and decision making and allowed me to help maximize the thinking of others.  Nudge includes some of the same lessons of Thinking, Fast and Slow in an easier to read format with more of an applied approach focused on the reader helping other people make better decisions.  Made to Stick is my most recent read and I think it is also a must read for anyone who wants their ideas to be taken seriously.  It uses research on how the mind and emotions work in order to help people frame and sell ideas.

Shame and Vulnerability - This might as well be called the Brené Brown section.  Her two Ted Talks sparked my interest in this topic (here and here) and her books the Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly have got me hooked.  It is remarkable the role shame plays in parenting, relationships, and the workplace.  I cannot recommend strongly enough watching both Ted Talks and reading at least one of these books.  Her work has liberated me in so many ways and allows me to better accept myself, parent my children, and supervise my staff. 

Focusing on What Works - Three years ago a half day retreat about positive psychology and Strengths changed my life.  Until that point, I thought Gallup was just an organization that did political polling.  A significant portion of Gallup's research and work is focused on helping people maximize their engagement and talent in the workplace with additional focuses on leadership, learning, and wellbeing.  As a result of this different way of seeing the world, I am more productive in my work than I have ever been before and I am able to help others reach peak levels of engagement.  Gallup has so many outstanding books that I would recommend, but Strengths Based Leadership and 12: The Elements of Great Managing are by far the best.  Additional options include the Power of 2 and Wellbeing.  Also within this genre, I highly recommend the book Happier.

Understanding Motivation - As a manager and educator, there are few things more important than understanding what motivates people.  The book Punished by Rewards took on this task exceptionally well.  It focuses on how our system of trying to control people through external motivation and rewards kills the internal motivation within each of us.  The book suggests that we should create ways for internal motivation to flourish is the classroom, workplace, and at home.  The Starfish and the Spider focuses more specifically on how too much control of individuals within organizations limits its capacity for evolution and growth.  This areas of thinking has also sparked my interest in Motivational Interviewing and Coaching.

The next books on my list include (in order):
Switch
Mindset
Greater than Yourself
The Element
Out of Our Minds
The Advantage
Getting to Yes
Good to Great

If you have any strong reviews (positive or negative) of the next books on my list or a strong recommendation for a book that will continue to push my thinking and understanding of the world, I would welcome your comments to this post.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Changing the World Requires Hope and Vulnerability

The two most important attributes to cultivate in people interested in changing the world are hope and vulnerability.  Without these elements, the courage and stamina needed to work for and lead others down the long and difficult path of positive social change will likely be absent.  The ability to create social change first requires showing up.  As noted in my last blog post, this year I was introduced by Brené Brown to the following quote from Theodore Roosevelt's speech "Citizenship In A Republic" delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on April 23, 1910. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. "
Creating change means having the courage to show up in the arena without knowing how it will turn out.  The question is how do we encourage others to show up in the arena?  The answer is vulnerability.  Brené Brown has states that "vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change."  The birth of these things, especially social change, involves taking a risk and being vulnerable enough to act without knowing the outcome.  One must enter the arena without knowing how it will turn out.

Robert Schuller has stated, "what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"  This is a nice idea, but social change often is a greater leap of faith where failure is a frequent if not likely outcome.  Brené Brown takes it a step further by stating "what's worth doing even if you fail?"  This gets to the heart of what leads to social change, people being vulnerable enough to act in the face of possible failure.

In order to be vulnerable, people must have hope.  Shane Lopez has noted that hope is believing that tomorrow will be better than today and that individuals have the ability to influence that outcome.  Cornel West makes the point that hope is often required to pursue social change because often the evidence does not look very good.
"You have to draw a distinction between hope and optimism. Vaclav Havel put it well when he said “optimism” is the belief that things are going to turn out as you would like, as opposed to “hope,” which is when you are thoroughly convinced something is moral and right and just and therefore you fight regardless of the consequences. In that sense, I’m full of hope but in no way optimistic."
Social change only takes place when dedicated people step up, without certainty of success, and enter the arena.  Getting people to take this step requires the cultivation of hope and vulnerability.  Folks must see that their cause is just and possible with a willingness to act with no guarantee of success.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Racing to Election Day

I firmly believe we should treat every day as a gift and take nothing for granted.  This is a standard I often fail to live up to, but I am not the first person to struggles to live up to their ideals.  When it comes to election day (2 days away), I wish I could hit the fast forward button and get it over with.  I find myself prepared for either the joys of victory or bitterness of defeat.  So much of what I believe in is at stake, but the constant turn and anticipation of this process has started to wear me down.

On a national level, I am both jealous of and have pity for the people of Ohio.  It matches how I feel about Iowa every four years leading up to the Caucuses.  I am sure the constant bombardment of commercials is horrible, but having the chance to see the candidates and surrogates on an almost daily basis and know that your involvement in the democratic process will matter more than just about any other state in the union is extremely lucky.

The last couple days of each election cycle always brings me great frustration that I would rather avoid.  This is when we typically hear about some GOP Secretaries of State trying to use their power to limit or suppress the vote.  There are also individual and coordinated conservative efforts to provide misinformation about voting days, times, and locations to poor, minority, and elderly communities.  The last couple years the voter intimidation at the polls has increased dramatically as trained "poll watchers" seek to harass and intimidate Democratic voters.  While these behaviors do not represent all of the GOP, it is widespread and coordinated enough to be a stain that they are responsible for and should be ashamed of.  For a group that claims to love this country and the principles it was founded on, there seems to be a cynical disdain for the democratic process at the heart of it.

I also find myself inspired by the honest and sincere volunteers for all candidates, issues, and parties.  Whether you are with me or against me, there is something to be said for engaging in the process with your most precious resource, time.  This year I was introduced by Brene Brown to the following quote from Theodore Roosevelt's speech "Citizenship In A Republic" delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on April 23, 1910.  It has stuck me in so many ways and is especially true of those fighting these last weeks and months for what they believe.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. "
To all of those in the arena I am beyond grateful for the work you do, especially those fighting for the causes that I believe in.  Everything good that has ever come from the political process has required people to step up, put themselves out there without knowing how it will end, and drive hard towards their hopes, dreams, and ideals.  It has been an honor when I have been able to join you and a gift to know that some of you will always be there.

Good luck to all in these final hours leading up to election day.  It cannot get here soon enough.
 
 


Thursday, July 26, 2012

An Evening with Sir Ken Robinson

I am fortunate enough this week to be attending my 3rd straight Strengths in Education Conference in Omaha, Nebraska.  The conference is focused on maximizing student engagement and success by helping students focus on their core talents through the use of the StrengthsFinder assessment tool.  Gallup developed the StrengthsQuest program to focus on the use of this tool with students and the University of Minnesota (where I work) is one of the largest users of the Strengths tool in the country.

Sir Ken Robinson kicked off the conference last evening with a wonderful speech focused on education, creativity, and passion.  I was first introduced to Sir Ken in the form of the outstanding Ted Talk below:



Here are a couple of takeaways from his speech last night that might be interesting to others:
  • The human experience is designed to be creative, diverse, and organic.
  • Our creative lives exist as part of a conversation between our disposition and circumstances.
  • The United States has a 30% stopout/dropout rate and 1/31 adults is currently in prison (highest rate in the world).  A majority of those in prison left schooling early.
  • Investing more money in our broken education system is a bad idea.
  • The money that could be spent on a successful education system is cheaper and a better investment than the current spending on individuals in the criminal justice system.
  • Successful education is focused on identifying aptitudes (Strengths), tapping into passions, having the right attitude, and taking advantage of opportunities. 
  • Education in an organic and personal experience.
  • "We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." - Phyllis Diller. We need to encourage and feed our children's curiosity and creativity, not stifle it.
The most powerful story he told was about Death Valley in the spring of 2005.  That area of the country typically only receives about 2 inches of rain per year.  As a result, nothing is able to grow and be sustained there.  In the year prior to the spring of 2005, this area received a very rare 6 inches of rain and for the first time in 50 years flowers bloomed.  The flowers stayed in bloom until July and the seeds they dropped will lie dormant until the next wet winter in that area.

For many students, their passions and talents are lying dormant like the desert seeds just waiting for the educational nourishment needed to bring them to life.  Unlike desert flowers, once a student's passions and talents come to life they have the ability to sustained for a lifetime.

The reason I am in higher education is to help as many students as possible discover their passions and talents, productively apply both to their lives, find the meaning and pleasure needed to be happy, and to develop and learn as much as possible in order to positively contribute to society.  I want to be a drop of rain that develops others to become drops of rain and collaborate with as many people as possible to be the flood needed for each student to thrive.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Could You Be the Next Joe Paterno?

On Thursday, July 12, 2012 the "Freeh Report" was released detailing the disregard and cover-up by high ranking Penn State officials, including the legendary coach Joe Paterno, of the sexual violence committed against children by convicted pedophile Jerry Sandusky.  Following the release of the report there was a title wave of self righteous indignation on the radio, television, Facebook, Twitter, and across the internet.  The four horseman of Penn State (Spanier, Paterno, Curley, and Schultz) are now monsters on a scale just a step below Jerry Sandusky himself.  Rick Reilly of ESPN was especially critical of Joe Paterno:
I tweeted that, yes, Paterno should be fired, but that he was, overall, "a good and decent man." I was wrong. Good and decent men don't do what Paterno did. Good and decent men protect kids, not rapists.
I think it is easy to look on from the outside and stand in harsh judgement of these men and I have no intention of defending their indefensible actions. I do think some of the scorn being cast down on these men is based on the notion that it is incomprehensible that a "good person" could do what they did and fail to protect those children.  I guess that is where I differ from most people.  What these men did was awful and they should be held accountable for it, but I can see some reasons why it might have happened and how other "good people" could find themselves in similar situations.

What would you be willing to cover-up or hide if you felt your way of life was at risk?  I would like to believe no one I know would cover up sexual violence against children, but I am not entirely sure that is true.  If you felt that your name, career, home, and ability to meet the needs of your family including your children was at risk, how much would you be willing to ignore or cover up in the name of self preservation.  Self preservation is not always a conscious decision, it is something we often seem to do as if on autopilot.  I am not saying it is okay to do so, but I can understand the instinct.  Even if some level of self preservation was part of the puzzle in this circumstance, it is still inexcusable, but it has caused me to reflect on where is my line?  What would I be willing to knowingly or unknowingly look the other way on if the risk to me and my family was too great?  If I look the other way on something important to my values or that hurts other people, can I still be considered a "good person?"

I hear a great deal of shock at the idea that these men, and especially Joe Paterno, did nothing.  Why is that so shocking?  Do you interrupt every sexist comment you hear in the workplace?  Do you address every racist comment made at family gatherings?  Do you challenge every homophobic comment that you overhear while in public?  Maybe you do, I wish I would.  It is my assumption that most, if not all, institutions have built in advantages that benefit and protect able-bodied straight white males at the expense of women, people of color, LGBT people, and individuals with disabilities.  Does this go unchallenged by you some or most days?  The point here is that most "good people" I know are only able to have the courage and gumption to fight for what they believe in some of the time.  While failing to challenge a bigoted or ignorant comment is not on the same level as disregarding a child molester, it is part of a slippery slope of inaction that could lead us to supporting damaging and unjust environments with our silence.

If reading the book Thinking, Fast and Slow has taught me anything it is that the mind can believe anything it wants to, regardless of the evidence.  Our default position is to believe what will make the most sense to fit what we already believe.  The author introduced the concept, "what you see is all there is" to describe how we simplify the world to fit what we already know.  It would not surprise me if these men were in denial of what they were doing and the possible consequences of their actions.  Our ability to lie to ourselves is very strong and making information fit what we already think is what our minds are wired to do.  The most common lie we tell ourselves is that the ends justify the means or that our actions fit a greater good.  Did these men feel all the good done by them and Penn State football was more important and outweighed the safety of those children or concerns about Jerry Sandusky?  If almost the entire Republican Party leadership can dismiss the evidence of climate change even though the scientific community is fairly settled on it, then I believe it is possible that these four men knew what was happening and lied to themselves and the rest of us about it.  It makes me wonder what lies do I tell myself that might be damaging to me and others?  How can I prevent falling into those traps?

The point of what I have said here is not to give these four men a pass.  No matter the intent behind our action or inaction, I still believe that we are always accountable for the impacts we have on people and the world.  In this case, the action and inaction of these men clearly lead to further sexual violence being committed against children and that is a burden that they and their legacies will and should carry with them forever.  I would just suggest that before we get on a high horse about how awful these men are, that we spend some time looking within ourselves.  By putting all the focus on these "monsters," we take no responsibility for the possible roots of their actions that might exist within each of us.  When might we compromise our values or allow others to be hurt to protect ourselves, our family, and our way of life?  When are we silent in the face of individual acts of discrimination and institutional oppression?  When do we choose to falsely believe something that fits with what we already believe?  The answers to these questions are important as we seek to have our actions match our values and because we are just as responsible for the impacts of our action and inaction as these men, regardless of our intent.

Edmund Burke said:
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
Other than being male centric, I could not agree more.  Unfortunately, I think good people (including me) do nothing, or less than we should, far more often than we care to admit and I think the situation at Penn State should be a catalyst for individual and cultural examinations of why that is and how we can change it.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Beauty of Courage

There is nothing in this world that inspires me more than courage.  The courage to go after what you want, the courage to stand up for yourself, the courage to fight for what you believe in, and the courage to walk away when it is the right thing for to do.  I have been thinking about how I define courage.  A Google search produced two very simple definitions that seem fitting:
1. The ability to do something that frightens one.
2. Strength in the face of pain or grief.
In one case courage is defined by taking action in the face of fear and in the other it is defined by dealing with the difficulties that life throws our way.  When I think of defining courage, I am also reminded of the famous phrase by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, "I know it when I see it."

I am not sure if I see courage more than most people, but it sometimes feels that way.  I often find myself admiring from afar the courage others display.  So many people have faced such difficult challenges and find the strength to get up and go to work, invest in the people in their lives, and continue to make a difference in the face of internal pain, pressure, and stress.  I see these people getting up every day and moving forward in life and it inspires me.  There is another group of people who, in the face of fear, I see going after their passions and living as close to their values as possible.  These folks are vulnerable to highs and lows of life, allowing themselves to authentically feel the joy and pain life has to offer.

When I watch movies, nothing brings on a rush of emotion like amazing displays of courage.  When I am facing challenges in my own life I try to think about those who have inspired me in the face of their challenges and I let the strength they displayed give me the courage I need to try and move forward.  In many cases the strength they showed was allowing themselves enough vulnerability to acknowledge their pain, feel their weakness, and ask for the help and support they needed from others.

I am also a romantic and dreamer.  The luck of where and to whom we are born and the randomness of opportunity plays a much more significant role in our lives than we want to admit, but everyone faces moments where they can and should follow their passions and take risks in the face of fear.  Sometimes I think I talk a better game than I play when it comes to going after what I want in life, but I try to draw on the courage of those who have taken risks with not certainty of reward.  The willingness to step out on a limb and go after the meaning and pleasure that will bring them true happiness and purpose in life.

I have had to learn to let go of the shame I feel for the moments in my life where I lacked courage.  There have been plenty of times where I crumbled under the pressure of struggle and lets my passions pass me by without a second glance.  Instead, I try to focus on and learn from my best moments and let the courage of others help inspire my path forward.  I am sure I will fall short again in the future to match the courage of my ideals, but I do not want to give up on myself or the range of possibilities that life has to offer.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Endless Echoes of Michael Baynes

The world can have a strange way of bringing people into your life and sometimes has a cruel way of taking them away.  Only in death have I truly come to appreciate and understand the ripple effect Michael Baynes had throughout the second half of my life and how those ripples will travel on in me and the lives I touch going forward.

I was first introduced to Michael Baynes or MB before I ever knew his name or had a sense of what he looked like.  As an undergraduate student at Hamline University I had the opportunity to work two years as a Resident Assistant (RA).  My Hall Director my second year, who was also one of my first true mentors, would often talk about what an important role his first Hall Director had on his life.  I have no memory if MB was ever mentioned by name, but I have a vivid sense of just how much my supervisor admired and had been impacted by him.  In a similar vein, I would not be where I am at today, if not for my mentor.  He is one of the main reasons I entered the field of student affairs in higher education and I believe he was only in a position to be my supervisor and mentor because of the role Mike Baynes had in his life.

At the end of my senior year of college I was filled with incredible drive and passion for social justice, but I lacked the knowledge and experience needed to work toward effective change.  Some people who believed in me at Hamline suggested I talk to someone at the University of Minnesota that they thought could help me turn my passion into action and outcomes.  With that, I showed up in the early summer of 1997 at a building I would go on to work in these last nine years, Comstock Hall, to sit down for a hour of coaching and teaching by Mike.  While the details of that conversation escape me, I remember my sense of just how much he knew about social justice and I was grateful for how willing he was to help out an overly ambitious and under qualified student trying to translate his passion into change.  I have long credited that conversation as being one of a couple key interventions that put me and the efforts of so many that spring and summer on a pathway to make a difference at Hamline University.  The result of that journey was the creation of the Commitment to Community program and it still lives on after all these years.

In the summer of 2003 I would go on to work professionally at the University of Minnesota and my office is housed in the same building I met with Mike in during the summer of 1997.  At that point our paths had crossed a few more times over the years at conferences and through mutual friends.  I even learned that my new supervisor was a long time friend of MB.  Mike came back into my life in a more substantial way a few years later when my wife took a job working with him at of St. Catherine University (St. Kates).  The two of them hit if off, which is no surprise, as they were both ahead of the curve around caring for people and social justice on a campus that sometimes struggles to understand and capitalize on the incredible diversity and talent within its community.  A lesson I learned years ago is how struggle can bind people together in powerful ways and I believe Mike and my wife became linked together by helping so many students manage and overcome their struggles on a campus that can sometimes be challenging and in a world that could be unforgiving.

I ran into Mike a number of times over the last six years, but the most memorable time was when I was invited as a guest of my wife over to his new condo a few years ago.  At this small gathering were people who loved Mike dearly including my mentor who just happened to be in town from Vermont.  I remember thinking that day how lucky and strange it is that my world had overlapped so frequently with Mike over the years.

On Friday I took the afternoon off, as I sometimes do, to see a movie.  When I came out of the movie I had a text message from my wife asking me to call her ASAP.  It turned out that she had last received a communication from Mike at 11:26 AM that morning in the form of an email congratulating her on her new position at the University of Minnesota.  He was found dead only a few hours later and she had just found out.  It is both tragic and fitting that Michael Baynes will now be center stage in the final chapter of her life at St. Kate's and deep in her heart during her transition back to a campus Mike once called home.  I then had to call my mentor and friend to tell him that one of his mentors and friends had died.

I do not think Michael Baynes and I would have called the other person a friend, but we were very friendly with each other and closely linked by people we both loved and cared about deeply.  We are connected not only by having great taste in exceptional people, but I am not sure my life would have ended up where it is without the ripple effects of Michael Baynes playing such a significant role.  My first true mentor, my chosen profession, and my path around social justice all have the deep impressions of his footprints.  Any good that I have done and the impact I have had on people whose lives I have touched owe their thanks to a man most of them have never met and now, never will.  I have a feeling that I am just one of hundreds of stories showing the ripples of Mike Baynes and that there are thousands of people whose lives were enriched because of the work of him and the people he impacted and inspired.

Goodbye Mike.  I am not sure if you ever wondered about the legacy of your life or work as I often ponder about my own, but I hope you knew or know now that your legacy is remarkable and the echoes of your life will travel on indefinitely.  Thank you for the wonderful role you had in my life and in the lives of people that I care about.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Trying to Prove You Are Smart Can Make You Dumb

My guess is that you have never heard of Carol Dweck.  Do not feel bad, until 18 months ago, neither had I.  She has conducted some pretty ground breaking research on a concept of mindset.  I have read some of her research on the topic and her book Mindset is near the top of my reading list.  Dr. Dweck's research findings are very important and can be applied to raising children, teaching students, and supervising employees.  Since all three of these areas are central to my life, I think Carol Dweck is kind of a big deal.

In a recent interview here Dr. Dweck discussed the difference between a fixed and growth mindset (you could replace the word students with children or employees if you wanted).
"In a fixed mindset students believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. They have a certain amount and that’s that, and then their goal becomes to look smart all the time and never look dumb."
“In a growth mindset students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence. They don’t necessarily think everyone’s the same or anyone can be Einstein, but they believe everyone can get smarter if they work at it.”
Dr. Dweck says that what causes a fixed mindset is the constant reinforcement and praise of someones abilities and intelligence.  This causes people to think that it is most important to look smart and they avoid challenges for fear of looking dumb or stupid.  So, what should parents, teachers, and supervisors do?
“Students praised for the process they engaged in – their effort, their strategies, their focus, their perseverance – these kids take on hard tasks and stick with them, even if they make lots of mistakes. They learn more in the long run.”
As a supervisor, I now consider mindset a key issue to consider in the hiring process.  Individuals with a fixed mindset (about 40% of people) tend to focus their time trying to show off what they know or proving how good they are.  There is little focus on development or growth.  When hiring staff members I believe a growth mindset (also found in about 40% of people) is probably the number one attribute I am looking for.  As long as someone has a strong capacity for development and learning, I believe they can put in the effort to develop into a successful professional.  My hope for new employees is that their first day of work is their worst performing day of work and that almost every day after that they are developing into a better professional.  I also see it as one of my core responsibilities to help make sure that growth and development happens.

The chart below gives you a decent sense of the difference between these two mindsets.  Sorry in advance for the small type.


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Who is Talking Behind My (and Your) Back?

My general assumption is that just about everyone I have had regular interactions with has talked behind my back at one point or another.  It also seems likely that some people, especially those who know me best and interact with me most, do it with some degree of regularity.  I would not always call it productive or an ideal situation, but I think it is something that people do more often than we think and I am far from panicked about it.

I hope talking behind my back has only been done maliciously in a few situations.  Most of the time I assume it is someone voicing a legitimate concern or frustration about me and that it helps the person feel better by communicating it to someone else.  I am human and make mistakes that impact other people.  I am not shy about speaking up and I am sure I say the wrong thing that ends up hurting someone more often than I realize.  My intentions towards others are generally good, but I am sure some of my actions sometimes run counter to my best intentions.  If you are looking for someone who can provide you with reasons for occasional disappointment and frustration, I am your man.  I also think I am not alone.

I am sure over time I have given people ample reasons to be frustrated and a healthy response to frustration is to share it with someone else.  In many ways, the best way to separate from the frustration is to talk about it.  While direct feedback can be helpful for some (I know I appreciate it), many people do not respond in a productive way to that type of communication.  For others, it is actually culturally disrespectful to be so forward with your concerns.  Even more challenging is that sometimes what frustrates us is when people fail to meet expectations that we have never communicated to them and providing feedback under those circumstance will usually blow up in our faces.

Even if talking behind someone's back is more common and reasonable than we want to acknowledge, I do think some approaches are better than others.  First, if you spend time trashing a number of different people in one sitting it usually puts the attention on your pettiness rather than your legitimate concerns.  Second, you want to be sure to vent to people who know how to keep their mouths shut.  The person in the department or friend group who shares all the best gossip with you is also sharing all your trusted words with other people.  Finally, if you get a reputation for talking down everyone around you it does not take a genius to figure out that those who you are complaining to are at the center of your wrath at your next stop.

In my best moments, those I talk about behind their backs are the objects of my words in an effort to let go of frustration or to seek understanding.  I have very few if any true frustrations with my friends and the people I work with.  I authentically care for them as people and hope for their happiness and success.  Sometimes my worst and most petty words come from exhaustion, stress, or a lower point in my self esteem.  I hope to keep those moments extremely rare and give the grace to others that I would like to receive myself.

Friday, June 29, 2012

What is Your System of Accountability?

I am currently reading/listening to the book Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman and have been struck by how little I knew about how the brain works (use link above to read the first couple chapters for free).  Dr. Kahneman cites his own significant research along with countless studies by others in order to provide as full a picture as possible of the mind's inner workings

One of the most significant takeaways at this point is how easy the mind is able to make false assumptions and reach wrong conclusions.  The part of our mind that can solve the math problem 2 + 2 without thinking also makes quick assumptions and judgements about people and daily experiences that are false.  The ability to quickly know information without needing to stop and think is known as fast thinking.  When the mind slows down, like the mental process needed to answer the math problem 17 x 24, we are better protected against making mistakes in thinking as our brain has a more systematic way of sorting through information.

What really throws us off is that most of our fast thinking is usually very accurate.  We have learned through experience, observation, and repeated interactions countless bits of information that are true about the world.  The summer it hot, the winter is cold, mosquito like to bite you, oil dripping from food can stain a shirt, etc.  We do not need to stop and think of these facts and when they come up, we answer or experience them accurately all of the time.

The problem is that in the midst of all this accurate information are some falsehoods which we unknowingly understand and use as though they are facts.  Growing up in this country we are exposed to so many influences like family, friends, media, schools, and religious institution and they have taught us, often unintentionally, false stereotypes about certain populations.  That false information becomes cemented in our fast thinking as we grow up.  Hopefully over time some or most of those stereotypes have been challenged by important institutions and people in our lives.  Those challenges raise awareness about stereotypes in the slow thinking part of our minds.  When we slow down, we are able to reject the stereotypes that the culture has taught us.  If you do it long enough, it is possible that what starts off as slow thinking can transition to fast thinking with enough repetition, but there is no way to be certain if or when that transition actually takes place.  This is why most people are very good when they try to not be sexist or racist, but when forced to think fast without any help of slow thinking we sometimes fall into applying old stereotypes.  This can happen when we are exhausted and unable to slow down or when are caught in a fast moment (quickly noticing the age, race, or sex of the driver cutting you off in traffic).

The way fast and slow thinking works does not just explain this type of bias, but also the mistakes we make in our thinking at home, work, and in relationships.  It explains why changing behaviors and habits is so difficult.  Most of our regular behaviors exist in our fast thinking including what we like to eat, how much we like exercise, and the vices we fall into during stress.  Our learned instinct (which is just fast thinking) is to just do what comes natural (which is not really natural, but has been learned to the point of seeming natural) like eating poorly and avoiding exercise.  When we are in a place to engage in slow thinking we can make healthy choices, but that part of our thinking does not always engage and can become fatigued.  In those moments, we fall back into our fast thinking patterns of unhealthy choices.  As anyone who has tried to diet knows, it can take a long time for our slow thinking approach to replace our unhealthy fast thinking norms.  This is also why the best opportunity for meaningful behavior change is to capitalize on an existing positive element within your fast thinking and try to apply it in a different way.

The key to managing the mental challenges presented by misleading fast thinking is having internal and external systems of accountability in place to prevent bias fast thinking from being our faulty reality.  Internally, it is learning to slow down your thinking when needed and training yourself to track for bad assumptions and bias.  This is much easier said than done and none of us will ever do this perfectly.  Most ideal is having people in your life that can hold you accountable.  Not from a place of judgement and shame, but from a place of care and compassion.  Without people in our lives holding us accountable to the values and beliefs that exist within our slow thinking we are going to frequently undermine ourselves with fast thinking mistakes.  Unfortunately, too many of us have received accountability in the past in the form of judgement and shame and are now defensive to the idea of anyone holding us accountable.  We must find trusted people who we can empower to help us and try to live the example we want to receive from others.

Here is a fun and wonderful short clip about accountability from one of my favorite shows Curb Your Enthusiasm.  The woman in the clip asked Larry at the beginning of the party to hold her accountable to her dietary plan (eating healthy) no matter what she wants to do later at the party.  Larry checked to be clear about the level of accountability she wanted and she stated that she wanted to be prevented from eating unhealthy food "no matter what." This is probably not a healthy example of having someone hold you accountable, but it is fun to watch anyway.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

When a Supervisor Fails to Meet Your Needs

I know this is hard to believe, but not everyone has an amazing boss and even amazing bosses are flawed in some way.  When supervisors do not match our expectations for the role they have assumed it is easy to be dismissive and self righteous about their short comings.  This only increases when these individuals seem disengaged, ineffective, or even incompetent.  There is nothing worse that working for a horrible boss.  No amount of money is enough to make it worth it and when you have had a horrible boss you are willing to do and take less if it means you will be treated with care, dignity, purpose, and respect.  If you have a horrible boss, get out and get out as fast as you can.

Most people I know do not work for a horrible boss, but they do work for a good person who is not great at managing people.  It is easy to see how this happens.  Early in the career of new employees, employers often put a great deal of time into orienting, training, and supervising those coming into their organization.  As people start to be promoted or are hired for mid and high level positions, the assumption is that they have many things figured out and the top of that list is supervision.  Unfortunately, this is often not the case.

Your ability obtain a position of higher status does not mean that you "get" every aspect of that position.  New managers will be trained on computer software and systems, introduced to organizational policies, and given a manual, but supervision and management training is often assumed to be unneeded.  As a result, people are often performing high level positions with low level competence and training around the managing of staff.  While some management lessons are certain to be learned on the fly by experience, it is just as easy for managers to fall into a trap of assuming their ineffective ways must be working or else they would not have their position.

One of the most common frustrations I have seen are bosses who do not know or understand what their employee's do.  The only time the employee is noticed is when something surprises the manager or goes wrong.  The self righteous response to this situation would be to say it is the bosses job to know what their employees are doing and if they do not, that is on them.  That is factually correct, but unfortunately being right does not get people anywhere.  The better response would be to tell your boss what you are doing as often as you can, even if they do not ask.  Find ways to make sure your work, especially your best work, comes up in conversation and is made aware to your supervisor.  Supervisors who do not notice your work are usually equally bad at sharing your worth with others in the organization.  This is another function you can take into your own hands.  Learning to authentically tell your story at opportune moments is critical to developing a professional reputation.  Most of us have some job responsibilities that will not speak for themselves even if we do them exceptionally well, and without a supervisor to notice and promote your success, you must take this task on yourself.

Defiant self righteousness is a pretty common response to a boss who is not meeting our expectations.  Those feelings are usually justified by countless examples of supervisors falling short.  Unfortunately, this moral superiority does not actually make you feel better or help your situation.  You have every right to be frustrated by this type of situation and to consider it unfair, but sitting in that place will only punish you and possibility hurt your standing further.  Employees whose work goes unnoticed and are perceived unhappy are not generally considered assets to their organization, even when that unhappiness is justified and the work being done is exceptional. 

The broader lesson here is that when you have a need that is going unmet by your supervisor you should take on the responsibility of meeting that need yourself by finding alternative ways to get it fulfilled.  You will probably still feel as though you deserve more from your supervisor, but at least you will be getting closer to what you need and help yourself be more successful.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Working Not To Fail vs. Seeking Excellence

As I noted in one of my first posts here, this blog is about seeking excellence in all areas of our lives.  I firmly believe that if you want to achieve excellence in your work you must focus on maximizing your talents, be willing to take calculated risks, put in the time and effort needed to learn as much as you can, and not get stuck chasing perfection or being obsessed with the possibility of failure.

If you work with a primary focus of avoiding failure, you will never reach excellence.  Your best case scenario for success when trying to avoid failure is not screwing up too much or too badly.  You will still make mistakes and they will likely be done in an effort to do something unimpressive or unimportant.  You will successfully be nearly flawless at being average or mediocre.

There are some employers and supervisor who do not want excellence from their employees.  They want people to be as mistake free as possible in executing the limited and specific functions of their work.  I think there some occupations where this makes sense, but I am not sure it fully takes advantage of the contributions and talents of each employee.

I have come to understand that there is an important footnote to this excellence seeking philosophical approach.  Failure is measured differently depending on who you are.  As a white male, if I fail the odds that I will be given a second, third, and fourth chance are high.  When a woman or person of color fails in the workplace, they can not trust that this will be true and often have personal evidence to back up this feeling.  For all of the pride people have about the progress made around gender and race (as well as other identities), much of which is warranted, the differences in experiences in these areas is still significant.  For individuals with certain identities, in order to succeed, a higher premium must be placed on the avoidance of failure, but if that approach becomes the driving force behind their work, then excellence will likely be out of reach.  Unfortunately, any increased focus on avoiding failure likely limits the full contributions of those individuals and sets up the need to work longer and harder than others to try and achieve excellence.

In coaching people looking for work I strongly encourage them to consider the work culture and supervisory approach to excellence, mistakes, and risk taking.  A good organization and supervisor can help mitigate the legitimate cultural concern of failure that weigh down some people and give them the space to work from a perspective of seeking excellence.  In this type of environment both the employee and organization have the opportunity to thrive and mutually benefit each other.  That is the type of work experience everyone deserves and should be looking for.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Giving Yourself the Best Chance at Getting the Job

Over the course of my career I have interviewed hundreds of candidates for employment positions in higher education.  While I have no formal background in career counseling or human resources, interviewing this many people has given me some key insights on what it takes to successfully interview for a position.  I believe the lessons below could be applied to most occupations.

The number one priority in an interview is to be your best authentic self.  There is no benefit to getting a position playing the part of someone or something you are not.  That said, your objective is to put forward a narrative of the best possible version of yourself.  I can assure you after years of watching great people interview poorly that this is not something that one can generally pull off without some serious planning, thought, and practice.

I am sure there are many good ways to prepare for an interview, but here is a process I recommend candidates that I am coaching go through in order to deliver a top notch version of themselves to an employer:

1.  Generate a list of the seven best examples of the excellence and high quality in your current or previous work.  It can be fewer than seven, but not more, your mind can only remember so much information.  These examples need to be your best of the best.  It could be the biggest or best project you completed, the best team you lead or were a part of, the most important responsibility you were given, the biggest problem you solved, your best idea that you were able to follow through on, a person who you helped be successful, or a difficult skill or task that you were able to learn.

2.  Build a detailed story around each of your examples.  What talents and attributes helped you achieve that success?  What skills or knowledge did you demonstrate or acquire during the process?  What parts of the story involve you learning or teaching something important, overcoming a challenge, or working well in a team setting?  When you are done with this step you should have seven robust stories that highlight the best what you have accomplished, how you did it, and what about who you are made it possible.

3.  Each story also needs to answer the question "so what?"  So many people start a good interview story and forget to finish it.  Do not leave it to the employer to draw a connection between your story and what that says about you or what you would bring to the job.  You need to finish each example or story by drawing a direct connection from what you did previously to what you could do in this new role.

4.  You need to become a politician.  The number one mistake candidates make in an interview is to simply answer the question they are asked.  Politicians have talking points for a reason, because they repeatedly focus the attention where it benefits them most.  Also, they work. This does not mean you are selling your soul or need to be inauthentic, but your goal in the interview should be to lead as many questions as possible back to contents of the seven stories that demonstrate what you can do when you are at your best.  You are creating and weaving a narrative of who you are and what you bring at your best.  When asked a question your mind should quickly sort through your seven stories and find an element of at least one story that best fits the question.   Be sure to actually answer the question you were asked, but if you can surround the answer with a fuller example of you at your best, you are doubling the mileage of your efforts.

5.  You need to practice.  You need to practice telling all aspects of your seven stories over and over again.  These examples need to be fresh in your memory and every aspect of your talents, knowledge, and skills should be fully explored and refined. You need to take the position description or employment posting and make connections between each qualification and responsibility and one or more of your seven stories.  It is also possible that this process will cause you to rethink one or more of your stories and select another accomplishment to keep in your top seven.  Another mistake candidates make is that they never make a case that they meet the core qualifications or that their knowledge, skills, talents, and experience will result in them being highly successful in the key responsibilities and tasks of the position.

The goal of an interview is to let the employer know what you would bring to that organization and the position.  Your stories of past accomplishments and successes are the best proof of your knowledge, skills, and talents.  Your interview answers should stay focused on what you can do for them in the position.  If there are things that you are not great at, do not lie, but keep the focus on where you are great.  So many candidates defeat themselves by over mentioning or showing insecurity about what they cannot do instead of always doubling back to what they do bring.

Having a great interview does not assure you of getting a job because someone else at their best might simply be better than you.  What it does is give the employer a chance to consider who you are at your best in making their decisions.  That is all you can hope for and once you have completed the interview, the process is out of your hands.

Here is one of my favorite interview scenes of all time...

Friday, June 22, 2012

Disability and Letting Go of My Shame

As I lean into my own vulnerability and walk away from the shame in my life the issue of disability is something that I must address.  This is a very complicated issue for me and one that might resonate with others.

When I was in high school I was a Rush Limbaugh loving teenager who, strange as it sounds, had a strong belief in the idea of fairness.  I believed the world was unfair and those who paid the worst price were straight white guys like me.  When I reached college I was introduced to endless volumes of research and personal stories documenting the clear institutional and systemic advantages for people like me.  The racist, sexist, and homophobic jokes that I occasionally told and often laughed at also seemed to no longer fit my evolving belief system.  I rejected the awfulness of Rush Limbaugh and continued to be on the side of fairness, but my understanding of that term had changed significantly.

The next couple years involved a significant amount of unlearning much of what I had been taught about the world and learning new ways of feeling, seeing, and thinking.  I learned about concepts like gender roles and oppression.  My youthful understanding that my life was "normal" evolved into an understanding that my life involved a series of exceptional advantages that so many others do not have in terms of housing, health care, quality schools, supportive family, and constant imagery in the media validating my place in this culture.  I started to build authentic relationships with women, people of color, and LGBT individuals resulting in a fuller understanding of how their experiences in this country were and are fundamentally different than my own.

This learning and exposure to others allowed me to gain great comfort with people whose identities are different than mine.  Unfortunately, there was one area of identity that seemed to lag behind the rest.  I am not sure what is behind my historic discomfort with peoples with disabilities, but I know it has been around for a while.  I did sustain a major hip and knee injury during the 10th grade that required me to ride the "short bus" for children with disabilities.  The bus usually had a half dozen students on it with severe developmental disabilities and then I would get on.  I remember having a great deal of confusion and discomfort on those bus rides.

Another powerful experience involved working with a student while at Colorado State who had massive skin growths all over her body.  She looked like she had massive curds of cottage cheese under her skin.  I remember her being exceptionally smart, well liked, and very kind to me.  I can also remember being incredibly uncomfortable whenever she was around me.  This situation is high on my list of life moments that I wish I could do over.  While I hope she had no idea how I was feeling, my guess is that she did.  The idea of that makes me feel awful, but that is what telling this story is about, leaning into the vulnerability and letting go of the shame.  The only benefit of this situation is it pushed me to work through and resolve my discomfort with disabilities.

In the 12 years since I left Colorado State I have come a long way.  I no longer squirm around people with disabilities and have come to understand their experiences and issues quite well.  I have gained significant knowledge about some parts of this community such as the deaf and hard of hearing.  I would still say that disability is an area in which my comfort, experience, and knowledge is further behind other identity areas, but the gap is now extremely small.

I have also come to understand that the reality for able bodied individuals is that our status as being able bodied is temporary in nature.  Due to a medical issue, injury, or age our bodies will increasingly break down resulting in most of us joining the disabled community.  You may not feel that issues of limited bathroom and building access, unaccommodating visual and audio only materials, or the cultural and institutional oppression of the disabled are your issues today, but there is a strong chance these will be yours issues in the not to distant future.  When we reach the point of facing these challenges, this Ted Talk will likely hit the spot even more than it already does.
 

How and Why I Fell in Love with Ted

I am officially a Ted Talk junkie.  It is hard to believe that two years ago I had almost no idea this platform existed.  I am sure I had heard of Ted Talks and it is possible I had even seen one online at some point, but I had no sense of what was behind it or how important it would become in satiating my thirst for knowledge, meaning, and understanding.

I believe the credit for formally introducing me to Ted Talks belongs to Keith Edwards, but I cannot be certain this is the case.  I have an awful memory and falsely give credit to the wrong people all the time.  The reason Dr. Edwards gets credit is because I am positive that he exposed me to the exceptional Ted Talk below by Sarah Kay.  It was the talk that sparked my current love affair with meeting these remarkable people and learning their amazing online lessons in mostly 20 minute slices.

Unfortunately, for most of my life my thirst for knowledge has not been apparent in a meaningful way.  While growing up, my engagement in learning was confined to school and was motivated by social norms and classroom expectations.  The one place my curiosity to learn and drive for knowledge was fueled was around my love of sports.  I have obtained, considered, discussed, and memorized more information and knowledge about sports than most people do within their college majors.  There was a significant amount of time in the 1990's where I could name just about every starting position player and most bench players in the NBA, MLB, and NFL.  Some of that knowledge was maintained over the course of many years and was complimented by approximate or exact statistical information about each player.  To say I was a sports nerd would be an understatement.  Super nerd is more like it.

As noted in earlier blog posts here and here, I have more recently found a passion for learning through the reading and listening to books.  It is in the spirit of this exploration of knowledge and meaning that I have welcomed Ted Talks into my life.  I would not say that every Ted Talk is amazing, because many are quite boring, but I have seen 20-25 that have grabbed my attention and interest unlike any else.  They have challenged my thinking, caused me to reflect on who I am and what I believe, and taught me so much about the world around me that I did not understand.

A strange thing has happened on this new journey of falling in love with learning and eventually meeting Ted, I have started to disengage from sports.  I still follow my local teams closely and as I pointed out here I still love watching amazing finishes to games, but my curiosity and thirst for knowledge is now being channeled in other directions.

If you have never seen the Ted Talk below by Sarah Kay, I strongly recommend it.  It is especially powerful if you have daughters, are a daughter, or know someone with daughters (does this cover just about everyone?).  It inspired me, made me think, touched my heart, and made me want to be a better father.  Regular readers of this blog will find Ted Talks and the lessons I have learned from them posted here on a regular basis.  At some point I will pull together and post a list of my favorites, but for now I will help you avoid the paralysis of choosing one from a list of many and simply offer you the remarkable one below that started it all for me.  If you are desperate for more Ted Talks, you will find some amazing ones in some of my previous posts and more to come in future posts.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Why I Love Twitter

When it comes to embracing innovation, I have been all over the map during the last decade or so.  The research on the diffusion of innovation places adopters into one of five categories based on the order in which they eventually adopt an innovation.
  • Innovators - the first 2.5%
  • Early Adopters - the next 13.5%
  • Early Majority - the next 34%
  • Late Majority - the next 34%
  • Laggards - and the last 16%
Based on just those in my age group (people born in the 1970's), here is my best guess on where I fell in terms of some technology innovations of the last 20 years:
  • Email - Early Adopter
  • Cell Phone - Late Majority
  • Smart Phone - Early Majority
  • DVD Player - Early Adopter
  • Creating Webpages - Early Adopter (started first one in 1998)
  • HD TV - Early Majority
  • Google Apps - Early Majority
  • iPod - Early Majority
  • Facebook - Early Adopter, then left for a while, Early Majority the second time around
  • Tablet Computer - TBD
  • Twitter - Early Adopter
My delays in adopting new technologies was usually due to issues of low awareness (Google apps), lack of funding (tablet computer), or a stubborn refusal to get behind the "new thing" (cell phone).  I also know some people are very busy and the idea of adding and learning something new does not appeal to them (this is where I am at with Pinterist).

The reason I love Twitter is that it combines all of the best of my interests in one place.  I love sports, politics, news, interesting websites, blogs, friends, general commentary, entertainment, live events, and humor.  Twitter has made it possible to enjoy all of these things in one stream of information.  I am able to follow my favorite sports reporters, sports commentators, blogs, authors, political reporters, political commentators, news sites, and personalities.  Whenever I have time for Twitter (usually first thing in the morning, watching TV at night, and short moments throughout the day) I am updated on all the things that interest me most.

I use to get up each morning and read 8-10 websites as though they were my morning paper.  Now, Twitter does that for me.  I just scroll through my feed and know all I want from posts and article links about news, politics, sports, and entertainment.  Twitter is also amazing at breaking news.  When Osama Bin Laden was killed, I first learned about it on Twitter as the news was happening.  When something huge happens in the political or sporting worlds, Twitter always has it first.

The best feature of Twitter is live events.  Going back and forth between reading your Twitter feed and watching something happen on television elevates the overall experience.  For sporting events, political debates, election nights, major breaking news events, and weather events, Twitter enhances the moment by providing real time information, interesting facts, fact checks, immediate commentary, and some outstanding humor.  As a sports fan, the people I follow on Twitter alert me in real time to when a nationally televised game is headed towards a close finish or when something historic is about to happen like a perfect game in baseball. I no longer have the time to follow sports as closely as I use to, but Twitter has made it so I have rarely missed a major sports moment over the last 3 years.

My hunch is that Twitter is here to stay and than many more people will eventually find their way to this remarkable platform.  I do not judge those who show resistance, because I have been there and will be there again (Pinterist).  My reality is that if something is around to stay, I find my way there eventually and end up wondering what took me so long and how did I ever live without it.