Seeking Control in the Strangest Places

Those who find significant elements of their lives to be out of control tend to seek control in some of the strangest places.  This is one of the most important personal and professional observations I have made over the last few years.  I have seen it at home, at work, in myself, and in others.  It is in these moments that the actions of the powerless become a confusing mystery to those unaware of what is really going on.

This truth has taught me to pause in the face of unexplainable controlling behavior and wonder compassionately what is going on for the other person.  Earlier in my life, when I saw someone holding on too tight over the smallest detail or trying in great desperation to control the actions of others, I use to only stand in judgement.  As hard as I now try to be compassionate and patience with those struggling with control, sometimes I fall short in this department.  It is not a lack of empathy or understanding for their situation, but an inability to see past the negative impact of their controlling behaviors on my life.  On my best days I try to remember what it is like to feel out of control and how irrational I have been in those moments.  I want to provide the compassion for others that I would want to receive myself.

My experiences with loss of control tend to come most in the area of parenting.  There are few aspects of life that can feel as out of control as trying to positively shape the lives of your kids.  When things are not going as planned or my patience is fried, I sometimes find myself in the midst of seeking to control some of the strangest things.  A normal moment of child resistance can turn into a battle royal.  I might try too hard to control the actions of a friend or someone at work.  I lose perspective in terms of meaning and importance in other areas of my life.

The next time you notice someone, including yourself, engaging in what seems like unexplained controlling behavior, you may want to pause and explore whether some other part of life is out of control.  There may be very little that can be done to help restore control, but at least we can show compassion and understanding, especially when the strange behavior is coming from ourselves.