Things No One Told Me About Being a Parent

There is no doubt that becoming a parent has been the most challenging, interesting, and wonderful journey of my life.  I did not realize I could care for and love another human being the way I do my children.  In preparing to have children I spent a significant amount of time reading the official "you're having a baby" handbook What to Expect When You're Expecting.  For a guy who has an unreasonable amount of curiosity and questions (and researches every big decision to death), this book was exceptional.  The same people continued the book series by exploring the 1st year, 2nd year, and beyond.

I was once a kid, have younger siblings, and knew plenty of people who had kids before me including both my siblings.  I attended the parenting classes, saw many thoughtful reality and scripted television shows about families, and reflected a lot about being a parent before becoming one.  In spite of all the advice, life experience, planning, and research, there were many things I had to learn about parenting on the fly.  Here are two examples that stand out:

• Their body and your body are in constant danger of injury.  Kids do not always have good control of their bodies, nor do they understand what causes pain for themselves and others.  As a result, I have seen and taken small injuries to almost every part of the body.  I am pretty sure my groin has taken the most frequent damage, but it is possible that those moments have just left a greater sense of trauma in my mind.  I can assure you that my "protect myself" reflex to guard every part of my body, and especially my groin, is as strong as it has ever been.

• It is such a different experience with the second child.  All of the media and resources talk about how much less stress you will experience about every little cry or sore spot.  I would agree that is true.  What no one told me was that when you have a second child, you miss out on a key element you had with your first child, time to build a one on one relationship.  In my case, I had a little over 3 years to focus exclusively on my relationship with my first daughter.  When the second child arrived, the alone time we had together was extremely limited and most of our relationship building has been done with others around.  It has made the alone time we have together now that much more special.  I would add that early on the second child is way more than twice as much work (more like 5x).  When they get old enough to entertain each other it slowly works its way to only twice as much work, but I would say that took about 3 years and I am sure it is different for everyone based on spacing.

My children are worth every injury and moment of work.  I am so grateful to have my second child Hayden in my life and was inspired to finish this entry thinking of her on her 4th birthday.  One of my favorite movies (educational resources?) about family and being a parent is Parenthood.  This is a must see movie and below in one of the many cathartic scenes from the movie.