All I Want for Fathers Day is a Nickname

I cannot overstate how much I enjoy nicknames.  In my perfect world everyone would have a nickname that would be embraced by the owner and all possible users.  I am a regular giver and user of nicknames.  I see them as a sign of affection and a reflection of personal closeness and familiarity.  In using a nickname I mean no disrespect to given names and know those often come with important meaning for individuals and families.

Nicknames come to people in many different ways.  The classic is the use of last name in full, part, or slightly modified as a nickname.  This is probably the most common way to obtain a nickname (aside from shorting or slightly modifying your given first name), but that does not diminish its quality.  So many people have such interesting or fitting last names.  In the past, as I started to get to know someone, I would usually try out a nickname based on their last name just to see how it felt for them and for me.  Sadly, the people I generally meet for the first time now are at least my age and it is likely that the last name possibilities have already been resolved before I met them.

Some of the best nicknames are earned in the midst of a defining moment or slip of the tongue with your friends or family.  Others evolve based on critical characteristics about an individual's habits, interests, or personality.  There is also a special category of people who are always referred to by their first and last name together.  Even though these are their given names, I believe that when you feel compelled to exclusively say their first and last name together that essentially functions as a nickname.

Unfortunately, some nicknames are given to others out of meanness and are used behind people's backs out of spite.  I am guilty of doing this sometimes myself and it is not something I am proud of.  Much like the powers of a superhero, nicknames can be used for good or evil.

I have never had a nickname stick.  As noted in an earlier blog post on bullying, I was called Grunt for a while as a child and that hurt.  In my early and middle twenties my friends looked for nicknames that made use of the G in my name resulting in G-Money, G-Rant, and G-Spot being taken out for unsuccessful test drives.  In recent years, some have made a play on email address type names like "ganderson," but nothing has found widespread appeal.  The closest thing I have to a nickname is the single letter G that I use to sign most emails.  I think it is fair to say that I have a healthy amount of envy of those who have achieved a meaningful and sustained nickname.

This does lead me to the last type of nickname I can think of, those who use two initials from their full name.  These might be my favorite.  Every time I meet someone who is able to pull off a PJ, TJ, RJ, or CJ I am excited for them (I also wonder why the letter J is so special).  My interest in this type of nickname is so strong that I put a significant amount of my child naming energy and time into trying to find acceptable names that could be shortened into the use of just two initials.  Unfortunately for me, I failed at this task.

Assuming that I am too old to find a nickname for myself and that I hopefully never have the chance again to name a child, I do have one last nickname task to complete.  I want to find an appropriate home for the nickname "Scooter."  While it would best fit a Scott, I am open to finding it the right home with someone of any name.  Unfortunately, this task was made more difficult when the most famous Scooter in the world turned out to be a criminal.  In honor of nicknames everywhere, here is one of the best Seinfeld scenes by one of the most famous last name as nickname people ever, Cosmo Kramer.